By Carmelia Ray
Is there really etiquette for one-night stands? I know I’ve heard my fair share of horror stories, but I’ve also been witness to some amazing, earth-shattering, mind-blowing ones. By definition, a one-night stand involves two consenting adults engaging in mutually satisfying, physical pleasure, without the intent of a relationship — or perhaps without further communication for that matter. Once you have a mutual understanding, there are only a few things you need to know about the difference between a great experience, and one that will not be purposefully left out of your sexual memories. Once you’re equipped with these dos and don’ts of a one-night stand, you can go confidently on your path to successful, spontaneous sexual escapades.
1. Do be safe
Duh. If you’ve decided you’re going to go all the way with this new hottie, you want to be sure you’re packing — condoms, that is. After all, a one-night stand typically occurs with a stranger. Having sex without a condom is like pointing a gun at your groin, loaded with the most popular and commonly known STDs.
2. Do clean up after yourself
During a wild romp in the sac, things might get messy, so if you’re the guest, be sure to be a gracious one. That being said, the host is equally responsible in any shared “clean-up” to be had. If you’re both lying spent on the bed, someone’s bound to make the first move and force themselves up. Be sure to pass the towel over and dispose of the condom in the washroom discreetly, and not leave the evidence lying on the floor.
3. Don’t have too much to drink
Tipsy sex can be a lot of fun. A glass of wine with dinner or a couple of cocktails before retreating to the bedroom might help to take the edge off. But drinking the full bottle coupled with a round of beers or a few shots is asking for trouble. If you drink too much, it can affect performance, as well as good judgement. Even worse, you may not even remember if you practised safe sex. (And we all know that throwing up after — or heaven forbid during — sex is a huge turn-off.) The safest bet is to limit yourself to a drink or two max in order to really get the most out of the experience.
4. Do play up your sexiness
Even though it’s a one-night stand, this is your opportunity to really play up to your inner gigolo or sex goddess. One-night stands can be fun-filled, and a great opportunity to step outside of your sexual comfort zone. After all, in most cases this is not the person you’re planning to introduce to your family. There are different things to consider when having sex with a girlfriend (like sensitivity), unlike a one-night stand. You can really experiment and try out new things — as long as both parties are going with the flow, of course.
5. Do turn off your cell phone
Nothing kills the mood more than the sound of your cell phone ringing or vibrating with incoming text messages while you’re in the middle of sex.
Be sure before you get into it that you’ve got your phone on silent or airplane mode — or just use it to listen to a little bit of Barry White or Luther Vandross.
6. Don’t talk or compare her or the sex to exes
One of the worst things you can do with your intended one-night stand is talk about another person. For starters, no one really likes or wants to be compared to someone else. This is especially true when the topic is bedroom skills. Anything starting with “my ex would” is not cool. Your focus should only be on who you are with and creating new experiences with this person.
7. Don’t ask or answer super-personal questions
A common mistake people engage in when dealing with a one-night stand is making it personal. A one-night stand is mainly a physical act. Feelings shouldn’t really come into play — unless it’s between your legs. This doesn’t mean you should be disrespectful; it just means you’re not interested in getting to know this person beyond what sexual position they like or what fantasy you’d like to role play next.
8. Do focus on their pleasure
This could be a bit tricky, as women are finicky when it comes to orgasms. Be attentive to her body, watch, and feel her reaction to your touch and the noises she makes to learn what she likes. A great one-night stand involves full participation from both parties.
9. Don’t lie about your feelings
A one-night stand is exactly that: it’s meant to be one night. It isn’t necessary to talk about personal feelings or overuse flattery to create false hope of long-term interest. Be clear to each other — you’re both serving a basic, sexual, animalistic need. As long as you’re safe and respectful, there’s nothing wrong with that!
10. Don’t brag about your bedroom skills
That’s probably the worst thing anyone can do. It is better to under promise and over deliver than pump your ego up beforehand. It’s always such a disappointment when your expectation of sex is built up only to be met with something “average” at best.
Carmelia Ray is a matchmaking expert and author from Toronto, Canada. She has been a professional matchmaker and dating coach for over 20 years.