This handy guide will walk you through the vast world of female “tells.” We sit down with relationship experts and dive deep into the psychology, signs, and behaviours that will let you know if she’s really that into you. Allow us to be your wingman.
By Ryan Bolton
Let’s start here: men are creeps. Yes, you — reading this. You’re a bit of a creeper. Whether you mean to or not, you’ll come off as creepy at some point or another. It’s inevitable. And yes, ladies can be total creepers too. They’re just more subtle about it, and way better at covering their tracks.
The difference is, your creepiness can be the determining factor in whether you’ve got a hope in hell of attracting that girl you’re staring at (hey — focus! We’re talking to you). Whether your move is a look across the room, a nod or a wave, or even striking up a conversation, your creepiness will incite a response of some kind — good or bad. To break it down, we’ve drafted an anecdotal list of scenarios that point to the former. From giggling to gazing and beyond, here’s how to know if she’s into you.
“You have the most beautiful eyes that I’ve ever seen! Your hands are so big and strong.” If you hear either of these things, you’re doing great, buddy. Compliments are instant green lights. A compliment creates a positive energy that is almost palpable. But like any good gift, it’s better to give than to receive.
Compliments beget compliments. As Chantal Heide, Canada’s Dating Coach, advises: “Compliment her back, and make it about her character. Find an invisible quality you can show her you recognize. She’s more liable to feel like you’re looking in her rather than just at her.”
Is she staring at you so intently that it almost makes you uncomfortable? That’s a positive sign. If she doesn’t blink, you might start to get worried, though. “You will notice that when a woman is into you, she is not only making eye contact, but lingering eye contact,” says Nicole McCance, celebrated psychologist and best-selling author. “The truth is, if she likes what she sees, she is going to want to look at it longer.”
Is she getting handsy with you? Touching your shoulder? Playing a little “chicken-or-go” with your thigh? All-star footsy-player? All good signs. “Should you approach a woman and she starts touching you, get her number and ask her out on a date,” explains Heide. “She’s giving you the green light!”
You might be the next Louis C.K. You might be the next Dane Cook. (If it’s the latter, don’t quit your day job.) The point is, if she’s laughing uncontrollably at every one of your quote-unquote jokes, she might be into you. This might come in the form of giggles. It might be unmanageable snorts. But if she’s laughing a lot with you, it’s a good sign.
The Hair Flipper
This one is almost common knowledge nowadays, but if she’s playing with her hair, constantly lifting it up and brushing it out of her face, it’s a tell that she’s attracted to you. She might be trying to get your attention with her locks, but it’s also an act of flirting in a come-hither kind of way.
“So, where are you from? What do you do for a living? Do you have male pattern baldness in your family? Are you currently wearing a belt?” Again, if she asks a lot of questions about you, she wants to get to know you better. She’s looking for things that you may have in common, which is nature saying, “You’re a match!” Think of it as real-life Tinder.
Sometimes, the rules of Grade 3 stick around for the long haul. Just like when you would tease a girl you liked when you were a young one (you little savage, you), teasing in your adult years also usually means flirting. She wants to test you. Just be a good sport about it and tease her back. It’s a good way of showing her you’re interested. Just don’t go too far and resort back to your Grade 3 self and chuck snowballs at her head. That’s not going to get anyone a girlfriend.
The Red Flags
The exact opposite of tells, red flags are signs to get the hell out of Dodge. Here’s a quick list of things a gal might do or say that mean she’s just not into you.
- If she says “no,” she means it. End of discussion.
- If she insults you in any way, don’t waste your time.
- If she’s wearing a wedding ring, don’t even think about it.
- If she doesn’t laugh at any of your jokes (or worse, she does the dreaded fake laugh), it’s not a good sign. Stop getting your material from Dane Cook!
- If she frequently ignores your text messages or calls, don’t bother reaching out again.
- If she says your best friend is “super hot,” she’s definitely not into you.
- If she refers to you as her “friend,” that’s when you know you’re in the “friend zone.”
- If she’s talking to her boyfriend, then she’s spoken for.
- If she’s trying to subtly (or not-so-subtly) escape back to her friends, she’s probbly not that into you.
- If she throws a drink in your face, well … that’s not a very good sign, either.
In the End
As mentioned, this is all anecdotal. Everyone is different. While most of these tells are universal, there will be times that a hair-ﬂip doesn’t necessarily mean “let’s go on a date.” In any given scenario, be natural. Be yourself — just not your creepy self.
“There is no real ‘right way’ to pick up a woman, so don’t get caught up in doing it ‘right,’” says McCance. “Be yourself. First, make eye contact and smile, then ask a question to engage her. Remember, everyone likes attention, and, by being pleasant and giving her a genuine compliment, you will make her day and make yourself memorable all at once.”