Communication is fundamentally the most important skill that we need to have in life! Our entire journey here on earth is made up of different interactions with people and animals for that matter. When we are good communicators, we can express or share information, feelings, and ideas in a clear, calm, and accurate matter. We can make good planning and decision capabilities; we have smooth and effective organizational skills and can easily process and understand other emotions and thoughts as well.
If we have poor communication skills our interactions could come out as criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling which will eventually lead to frequent misunderstandings, frustration, negative relationships, confusion and even hatred towards other people. Living a life where you constantly feel misunderstood is not a good place to be. Don’t worry we can improve and change our communication skills just by becoming aware of what they really are!
So, knowing how important it is to be a good communicated where do you think we learn our skills from? The truth is we learned from our parents. It is a fact that children are the most impacted between the ages of 0-5 in communication and language development, personal, social, and emotional development skills, physical development as well as behaviours patterns that will come into play for the rest of your life. For example, if your parents are optimistic or pessimistic you can be shaped to see life though their lens. We basically blindly model ourselves after them. (If you’re not a parent it’s hard to believe that kids are so impacted at such a young age). As we watched our kids interact with each other, outside influences and us to situations of conflict, trauma, death, sex, divorce, emotions, and feelings that arise in our day-to-day life experiences. Our habits started forming. Our minds often believe that how our family raised us is what’s normal. You will notice this more if you’re in a serious relationship or you have just recently had kids that you believe the way that your family did things is “the right way” and your partner also believes their upbringing was the right way. We do know that most likely neither set of parents were professionally trained on how to have a healthy, positive communication and display healthy, loving, energy cords.
The good news is once you set the intention to become a better communicator you will have the ability to bring change to your life and everybody in your circle. When I started working with a Reiki therapist, I became very aware that the patterns I did not like in my parent’s marriage I was bringing into my own marriage. My husband and I have been together for 13 years and a lot of different issues and subjects have popped up along the way. Yet, now being able to communicate from a place of emotional maturity has made our relationship better, stronger, lighter, easier with ourselves and our two kids.
I encourage you to take a deep look at yourself and remember this isn’t always easy, get to understand what your triggers and weaknesses are. What is your automatic response to situations do you move from a fight, flight, or freeze mode? Don’t be scared to seek therapy in any form. There’s nothing wrong with needing help to improve your self. Just try to be the best version of yourself.