Written by Blake Gauthier
“Hey Torpedo Tits!” - Yup, that was my nickname for many years. Given to me by my “friends” when I was about 13 years old. Unlike my friends who were all incredibly lean and had chiseled abs throughout their teen years I was chunky and had “moobs” that brought about my nickname which now, some 37 years later, still haunts me.
Three plastic surgeries later and I’m still not happy with how my chest looks and yes, I am currently saving up to go back under the knife again. Will I ever be happy with how my chest looks? When I really stop to think about it probably not. It has been engrained into me over decades of self criticism that my chest will always be that “part” of me.
My name is Blake Gauthier and I suffer from body dysmorphia. It’s not just my chest. My arms are too small, my waist is way too thick. Calves are skinny and apparently, I have an “old man’s ass” so MUST DO MORE SQUATS!
Body dysmorphic disorder is a mental health condition in which you can't stop thinking about one or more perceived defects or flaws in your appearance — a flaw that appears minor or can't be seen by others, but you may feel so embarrassed, ashamed and anxious about that you may avoid many social situations. What’s that? You guys are going to the old quarry to go swimming. Sure, I’ll go but I’ll be damned if I’m taking my shirt off.
When you have body dysmorphic disorder, you intensely focus on your appearance and body image, repeatedly checking the mirror, grooming or seeking reassurance, sometimes for many hours each day. Your perceived flaw and the repetitive behaviors cause you significant distress and impact your ability to function in your daily life.
You may seek out numerous cosmetic procedures to try to "fix" your perceived flaw. Afterward, you may feel temporary satisfaction or a reduction in your distress, but often the anxiety returns and you may resume searching for other ways to fix your perceived flaw.
On March 12, 2020 I had an abdominoplasty with Vaser (waist) and Gynaecomastia (Excision with Renuvion) done. Then on November 3, 2020 I had the first of two Benelli Mastopexy done trying to fix my chest. My surgeon told me that going that route would more than likely require more than one procedure based on the amount of loose skin that I had. On January 12, 2023 I had my second Benelli Mastopexy completed. There is improvement on my chest but it’s still the thing of nightmares.
Preoccupation with your appearance and excessive thoughts and repetitive behaviors can be unwanted, difficult to control and so time-consuming that they can cause major distress or problems in your social life, work, school or other areas of your life. You may excessively focus over one or more parts of your body. The bodily feature that you focus on may change over time. A preoccupation with your body build being too small or not muscular enough (muscle dysmorphia) occurs almost exclusively in males.
Insight about body dysmorphic disorder varies. You may recognize that your beliefs about your perceived flaws may be excessive or not be true, or think that they probably are true, or be absolutely convinced that they're true. The more convinced you are of your beliefs, the more distress and disruption you may experience in your life.
Body dysmorphic disorder usually doesn't get better on its own. If left untreated, it may get worse over time, leading to anxiety, extensive medical bills, severe depression, and even suicidal thoughts and behavior.
If you think you may hurt yourself or attempt suicide, get help right away. In Canada or the US, call 911 or your local emergency number immediately. Contact a suicide hotline. In Canada or the U.S., call or text 988.
It's not known specifically what causes body dysmorphic disorder. Like many other mental health conditions, body dysmorphic disorder may result from a combination of issues, such as a family history of the disorder, negative evaluations or experiences about your body or self-image, and abnormal brain function or abnormal levels of the brain chemical called serotonin.
Body dysmorphic disorder typically starts in the early teenage years and it affects both males and females. There's no known way to prevent body dysmorphic disorder. However, because body dysmorphic disorder often starts in the early teenage years, identifying the disorder early and starting treatment may be of some benefit.
After a medical evaluation to help rule out other medical conditions, your health care provider may make a referral to a mental health professional for further evaluation.
Treatment for body dysmorphic disorder often includes a combination of cognitive behavioral therapy and medications. You and your mental health provider can talk about your goals for therapy and develop a personalized treatment plan to learn and strengthen coping skills. Involving family members in treatment may be particularly important, especially for teenagers.
It’s funny how a lot of us go to the gym to try and fix imperfections we perceive in ourselves and while in the gym those imperfections seem to magnify and increase while we work towards what are idealized body’s are. So we continue to train to fix the issue while focusing on the issue causing the issue to continue to exist. It's time that we change the conversation, and truly look at WHY we view our bodies in particular ways.
Going to the gym, in and of itself, is not a problem; however, if you focus on "fitness" and "perfecting" your body may be trending towards unhealthy fixations, then it may be time to seek help, and no matter what know that you are not alone.